There are often our most guarded secrets and thoughts such as bedroom fantasies, harmless crushes, secret desires. They are the things couples usually don’t discuss together but it occurred to me recently.
Sharing Secret Thoughts with Our Partners
The question that has repeatedly raised in my mind is “Why don’t we” and “what would happen”, if we were to decide to be open with our partners about these things.
I was in a relationship for almost a decade but I’m separated now. I’ve been dating my ex-girlfriend for a little while now. Yes, you read that right. And I’ve been taking a look at how to do things differently. How to not do the same things over — how to be honest about everything. I’m a person with no idea about how you should live your life, especially your sex life. However, I’ve learned some things in my time. And I suspect you have too, even if you don’t really want to admit it to yourself.
No matter how happily married we are, or how sexually secure we are. In our relationships, we all let our eyes and minds wander sometimes. (Or lots of times, even.) It’s just human nature. It’s not such a bad scary thing, It’s pretty harmless actually.
Everybody has got an idea of what a gorgeous or sexy woman is, we all have our turn-ons and such. You wouldn’t have to do a scientific study on me to figure out that in my 29 years of living so far, I’ve had many crushes and daydreams about people that I never acted on or even mentioned to another living soul.
However, it’s the fact that we can’t share these things with the person we’re actually in love with or in a relationship with. This makes them feel so wrong and makes us feel so wrong to think them.
I’m probably as bound to be upset at first or even really hurt if my girlfriend were to tell me she had some kind of attraction for someone else. But if it was something we could share, in a way that was just as innocent as the thoughts are when they’re in our head? Maybe I wouldn’t be upset or hurt or maybe there would be a lot less upset and hurt all around.
Alternatives to Sharing Secret Thoughts
You can get inside your own head and spend about three to four minutes thinking around through the past two or three days’ thoughts. Take your time to easily admit that, yes! you have been thinking at times about people who you are not associated with in the sensual way. That’s what I’ve been doing lately. As I get older and maybe slightly wiser, I’ve been questioning a lot of how common behavior in relationships. Look, it’s like this. If so many marriages are failing then why not try and think a little more abstractly than most married people, you know?
We are biologically programmed to have these kind of thoughts. It’s carved into the underside of our bones as plain as day, like some kid’s name carved into his school desk. One can choose to ignore it, you can pretend that the desire to be wanted and fulfilled in lusty ways only.
This exists within you in regards to one person and person only, to whom you have been true and committed. I’m not saying I’m right since a lot things depends upon circumstances and one’s nature to accept them. Although, it’s worth a shot trying to come up with alternative ways of approaching relationships.